INTELLIGENCE

A little boy went up to his mother and asked:

"Mom, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

And she replied:

"Well, son, you obviously got it from your dad, 

'cause I still have mine.'"

QUACK!

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room.
Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said.
Then pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"


"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"


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Friends

A smile is a sign of joy.
A kiss is a sign of love.
A laugh is a sign of happiness. 
A friend like me, well, 
that is sign of damn good taste.