INTELLIGENCE

A little boy went up to his mother and asked:

"Mom, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

And she replied:

"Well, son, you obviously got it from your dad, 

'cause I still have mine.'"

QUACK!

Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room.
Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.
The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald frowned and said, "No."
Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.
"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.
So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.
"Yes, we do," the clerk said.
Then pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.
The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"


"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"


----------------------------------------------------

Friends

A smile is a sign of joy.
A kiss is a sign of love.
A laugh is a sign of happiness. 
A friend like me, well, 
that is sign of damn good taste.

Shake Your Groove Thing

Pull up a Cheek

I so want these.....



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Oh deer heaven!

Updates coming soon!

O.k....so I know I've said that before and I feel no less pressed for time now than ever before but there now I have a laptop...woohoo!! So look out blogosphere...I'm baa-aaack!!!
..............well...almost.

Birthday Beaver

Have a girlfriend turning the big 50 or beyond?
Looking for that perfect gift?
Forget all that "over the hill" crap.
Enter her into the:
"Gray Beaver Club"


Leave it to a woman to come up with a clever way to celebrate all those hard earned gray hairs that as the "Queen Beaver" states are "one year closer to dyeing".


Check out her story here along with a few more products to get the giggles going around the office.


And be sure to read her blog for pictures & ideas on how other woman are naming and caring for their "Gray Beavers".

It's definitely a man thing....

ummmm...helloo-o !? Grandma

I came across this at StumbleUpon

Don't know where it came from so I cannot give credit where credit is due.
I also have know way of knowing if the errr..happy couple is still together.

SPEEDBUMPS

I don't know about you, but this would slow me down! People slow down and try to 'straddle' the hole, then breathe a sign of relief they completely clear it!

This is actually a speed control device that is in use.
And it is much cheaper than speed cameras

The Moral of the Story is. . . .

I hope I have that type of chutzpah when I'm elderly.

clipped from www.funny.com

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts

naaaahhh...not really.

But I do have a new computer and I don't know how to use it.

The good news...obviously....
........ a brand spanking new...drum roll please!!!...iMAC!!! (20"!!!screen)
and its gorgeous...sleek and dare I say sexy.
Old Faithful was a big, clunky, space stealing Dell and I loved her but ohhhh....
this new little beauty has seduced me. It's today's version of Adam & Eve.
They couldn't resist biting that apple and this Apple has bitten me.

The keyboard is sleek, slim and quiet...all things I'm not. But hey...opposites attract and I can't take my eyes off her. I always referred to Old Faithful as a "she" but now that this little lady is in front of me...I'm thinking it was more of a "he" named Bubba. But then again....although old and chunky, Old Faithful had qualities that I mostly associate with a woman. Smart and quick with a great memory, a gifted multi-tasker, ready to help in an instant....hey...wait a minute....old..chunky...smart....well no wonder we got along so well!!
Yep...definitely a woman!

But... back to the new gal...yes indeedy do..she's a looker. Actually she's not just a looker she's a lookey..she stares right at me through the embedded camera! (crap!...now I've got to get all slim and sexy..uhhh...yeah that'll happen) She will help me to be quiet though. No more click, click, click on the keyboard in the middle of the night. You know how in the still of the night a ticking clock sounds like Big Ben, well apparently that's how O.F.'s keyboard sounded to my husband. He'd toss, turn and sigh with every scroll...this from a man who sleeps soundly in a room full a noisy children... $%*% pain in the a......but not now...oh no...not now. This little love Apple can keep a secret...we're going to get along just fine.

However as in all new relationships we need to get to know each other better. While there is great potential for a long lasting relationship, currently we don't quite speak the same language. I know what I want from her but seem to get a little tongue tied when asking. She knows all about my favorite places but is reluctant to take me to them. And I am having a really hard time getting her to open up and share with me...but that's o.k.... after all, we just met a few hours ago (love at first sight) and I can be very patient...I'm a woman.

~*~~*~I Feel Pretty~*~*~*~

Coloring for....shhh...hair down there



Oh...and they have tattoos and stencils for your "Betty" too

The Big O

Orgasmatron Oh yeah, baby!!!..no batteries needed. Click to enlarge

Rubber Duckie YOUR the ONE!

Good vibrations!...................ad copied from Firebox.com

An icon of water-based serenity

While languishing in the bathtub, there are a number of different items that'll make your stay infinitely more pleasurable than a touch of bubbles and a few bath salts. There's the loofah for one, and a more pleasurable back scratching device hasn't been invented. There's also the rubber duck, essential for any aquatic recreation, although seldom seen at any public swimming pools for obvious reasons. The duck is an icon of water-based serenity. A beacon in the fog of a steaming hot tub. A little yellow rubber thing that floats in your bath.

Or at least it was until the arrival of I Rub My Duckie, the rubber duck with a secret weapon beneath the hood. This bright pink duck comes with a removeable feather boa and blinging Swarovski crystal on its beak. Dubbed a personal massager, this Prozac-faced pink peril houses a powerful motor that provides the user with an unlimited (well, two AA batteries kind of unlimited) source of soothing, vibrating enjoyment.

This banana boat of oscillating leisure is fully waterproof and rather than exposing sensitive electronics to that most efficient of conductors, water, this quacked up little toy is turned on and off by squeezing his back, operating a switch firmly tucked inside his rubbery torso.

Stylish packaging

Not only is I Rub My Duckie's electrical motor immune to watery seepage, it's also very quiet indeed, so there'll be no tell-tale buzzing emanating from the bathroom as you frolic naked with your duck, thus eliminating potentially embarrassing inquiries from roommates. All that stands between you and hours of watery fun with your very own duck is a simple phone call. You know it makes sense.
*******Available at Firebox.com****************

I NEED A PILL

"My husband decided life would be easier if he wired a new light switch in

the master bedroom to save us from fumbling in the dark for the lamp. 

He cut through the drywall and found a stash of bottles and small boxes inside the

wall.

'Honey!' he called excitedly. 'You've got to come here and see what I found!

I ran in and quickly realized that his next task would be to fix the hole

that now led into the back of our medicine cabinet."

GIVE & TAKE

My friend is engaged in a major custody battle.

His wife doesn't want him 

and 

his mother won't take him back.